


Right Next to You.

by Mitooshka



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Blood, Character Death, Character Drabble, Death, F/M, Fenris Needs a Hug, Fenris drabble, Hawke needs to stop being a poopface, Hawke's favour, Inquisition spoilers, M/M, Major Spoilers, Multi, Other, also so do I, vague Hawke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-12 00:12:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4457882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mitooshka/pseuds/Mitooshka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris has known pain and in all his years of living, he thinks the most he's ever felt is in this moment. Right here, right now. </p>
<p>// Inspired by Sam Smith's 'Lay Me Down'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Right Next to You.

_There is so much pain_ , Fenris thinks this as he sits on their-  _his_  bed. The window opposite him is alight with the fading day’s light; the sky streaked the most brilliant of colors. Oranges, reds and purples like the richness of robes being worn by giants.  
  
  
           And yet no matter how Fenris looks at the sky, it looks bleak and full of mourning, as if all the color to him had been stripped bare. Laid bare and the sky was breaking open from the sheer volume of emotion that it held. The red was blood, spilling and spilling onto the earth and washing everything away.  
  
  
           He closes his eyes and rubs at them, raw from crying and two nights of no sleep. He wishes he could, he wishes he could sleep until there is no remainder of what had happened. But every time he closes his eyes he feels it again, that sweep of dream-like state where he thinks everything is okay. It isn’t going to sleep that makes him feel fear, it is the waking up and the shock and realization. It is like losing them all over again.  
  
  
           Fenris’ fingers dig into the sheets on the bed and he doubles over, a silent scream on his face as his body heaves with the pressure. He is a star collapsing on himself, sucking in all light and hope in the world. He feels the burning light from the window settle on his spine as he slips from his spot on the bed. His knees make heavy sounds as he hits the floor, a raging  _thump_  all but shouting his presence.   
  
  
           He has never felt this much, he always knew that a body could take abuse but not this, not this inseparable hurt so unlike physical wounds. At that moment Fenris wished he could fight a thousand Danarius’, would rather mow down hordes of Tevinter slavers than go through this. It felt like his soul was being ripped apart; so carelessly and tirelessly.  
  
  
           Fenris felt like disappearing.  
  
  
           Wrapped around his left hand, the scarlet cloth was damp from his clammy hands and rumpled from hours upon hours of gripping it. He held it so tightly that his hand had cramped and he feared that the only time someone was going to be able to pry it away was when he died.   
  
  
           It had given him so much hope, so much unyielding faith that Hawke, his Hawke would come back without a trace on their body. Just the same old crooked smile, the same one they had shot him before they left.   
  
  
           “You promised you would not leave.” Fenris murmured from his spot on the floor, there was no one in the room except his mind shattering sorrow and so he would cultivate it. Let it become the remnants of what Hawke had been. “You said, you said that you would come back…that I would see you…where are you now, Harper…where is that you are, where I cannot follow you?”  
  
  
           Fenris closed his eyes, his grip ever tightening on the scarlet cloth and he curled unto himself. He wanted to melt into himself, he wanted to stay in a place where everything was okay, where the sun shone and he felt it. Where he could feel Harper’s strong fingers on his arm, their voice urging him on, the physical presence of a being so large that sometimes Fenris wondered if they would fit into a room. How could a simple body hold so much?  
  
  
           He let his tears grace the floor as he turned his head towards the window with its metal borders, so much like a cage. Trapped within his own sorrow and there was so much of it, too much of it.   
  
  
           Fenris wondered how you could pick up the pieces of a broken life with knowledge that it could never be fixed. He had felt cuts and scrapes and broken bones before but… _There is so much pain, Harper and I never knew how it felt until now._  
  
  
           The scarlet cloth looked too much like blood, the sky looked too much like blood, the red welts on Fenris’ skin looked too much like blood. But everything felt like Hawke, everything. 

**Author's Note:**

> After getting the option to leave Hawke in the fade (which I evidently could NOT do, sorry Stroud) I realized how much Fenris must have felt if you had, perhaps, let Hawke stay. The sheer amount of pain he must feel and the realization that everything in his life leaves him, is over whelming and heart breaking.
> 
> So I had a chat with Satan and decided to write this.


End file.
